sweltering heat, heavy heart and reflections

Its taken me a couple days to get it right in my head. The news hit my heart hard. Almost surprising in how much it hurt. It's been such a long time since I actually had the time to reflect on how much I actually love my friends. Admiration, devotion, trust, comrades in arms so to speak. All traveling the same homesteading path I am, each in their own way, sharing their knowledge, experience, triumphs and failures with me on a personal level. More than just a few lines in blog comments, actual connections either in person or via telephone or the hours in Wolfes chatroom, spanning the long distances between us all. Late night calls lasting hours into the wee morning, laughter, tears, joy and pain, we share it all. Each of us joined together by our overlapping ideals, goals and motivations. No truer friends could ever be found. When the whole world falls apart around you, these friends were always there, day or night, to pick you up, urge you to hold on and keep fighting. Plenty of times in the past few years, I could have just chucked it all in and quit if it were not for these same friends.

Now, in the midst of life finally starting to go decently for me, I get news of the loss of someone I considered a dear friend. A lady that consoled me during some of the roughest times of a terrible marriage, thru the betrayal of my confidence by people I thought were friends, thru my divorce and all the following struggles, Scifichick was there. Even while she was fighting her own battles, trying to achieve her lifes dreams, she still had time to cheer me up and pester me about those dang rabbits. Never was there more giggles and outright joyful laughter than when Sci and me would get going on the phone. I would often have to go hunt the phone charger cord down before the phone would die so we could keep talking. Every spring the betting would start on how long it would take me to actually break down and start seed. Of course, I never make it to the actually seed starting date, I always jump the gun. Sci would just laugh and say I knew you wouldnt make it! Now, I feel like I have a hole next to my heart. I will never forget you Scifi, you were one of a kind.