Thursday, July 16, 2015

The Bookmarks of Life

It always seems like life is measured by some sort of event.  Happy, sad, etc. Well, add a bookmark to the timeline of life then....  there are no more cows on this farm.

Yep, Goober the cow is gone.  Sold so I could pay some past due bills around here.  A necessary sacrifice since the job I must go to so I can keep the mortgage paid keeps me too darn busy to make any cheese.  It seemed silly to me to feed and milk a cow twice a day when the milk ends up dumped.  The constant fighting with work because some people simply can not understand COW MILKED TWICE A DAY AT 12 HOUR INTERVALS.  That doesn't mean one day milk at 10am and 10pm then tomorrow milk at 6am and 8pm.  I'm exhausted.  Both mentally and physically.  Chasing a dream I know I will never achieve. 

I feel guilty and relieved all in one.  Guilty for feeling like I've given up.  I have in a way, I guess.  Relieved that I got those bills paid that have been hanging over me for more than a year.  Relieved that I don't have to spend 4 hours a day tending the cow, milking, then cleaning the milker just to dump the milk.  All one has to do to see how wore down I am is simply look around the farm.  Actually, you don't have to look past the weedy gardens to see.

The next to go will be the rabbits.  I will most likely spend one of my days off, rare as they are, butchering rabbits.  The amount of time I spend feeding them naturally plus the cost of commercial feeds to supplement their diet just isn't justifying their keep here anymore.  They do sell but not consistent enough to cover the cost of feed.  Even the feed I grow for myself which is cost free but not time free.  It takes every free minute I have to tend this farm.  On days when I can hardly haul myself out of bed, I still have to find the energy to get out there and do all the work that is needed every single day.

I'm keeping the goats and chickens.  Just the entertainment value of both is worth keeping.  Besides, the goats are smarter than the 2 stupid dogs I have and I actually like the goats better than those dogs, LOL  Plus, the sale of the kids every year covers their upkeep, mostly.  The chickens, well, I just like chickens around the farm.  I'm just stuck with the over age 20 horse too.  I've had her since she was a 4 month old weanling and the years of joy and entertainment she's given myself and the family qualifies her for a spot here until she dies.  No slaughter pen at an auction for her.

Now, what am I gonna do about that weedy garden?