sweltering heat, heavy heart and reflections

Its taken me a couple days to get it right in my head. The news hit my heart hard. Almost surprising in how much it hurt. It's been such a long time since I actually had the time to reflect on how much I actually love my friends. Admiration, devotion, trust, comrades in arms so to speak. All traveling the same homesteading path I am, each in their own way, sharing their knowledge, experience, triumphs and failures with me on a personal level. More than just a few lines in blog comments, actual connections either in person or via telephone or the hours in Wolfes chatroom, spanning the long distances between us all. Late night calls lasting hours into the wee morning, laughter, tears, joy and pain, we share it all. Each of us joined together by our overlapping ideals, goals and motivations. No truer friends could ever be found. When the whole world falls apart around you, these friends were always there, day or night, to pick you up, urge you to hold on and keep fighting. Plenty of times in the past few years, I could have just chucked it all in and quit if it were not for these same friends.

Now, in the midst of life finally starting to go decently for me, I get news of the loss of someone I considered a dear friend. A lady that consoled me during some of the roughest times of a terrible marriage, thru the betrayal of my confidence by people I thought were friends, thru my divorce and all the following struggles, Scifichick was there. Even while she was fighting her own battles, trying to achieve her lifes dreams, she still had time to cheer me up and pester me about those dang rabbits. Never was there more giggles and outright joyful laughter than when Sci and me would get going on the phone. I would often have to go hunt the phone charger cord down before the phone would die so we could keep talking. Every spring the betting would start on how long it would take me to actually break down and start seed. Of course, I never make it to the actually seed starting date, I always jump the gun. Sci would just laugh and say I knew you wouldnt make it! Now, I feel like I have a hole next to my heart. I will never forget you Scifi, you were one of a kind.

where oh where has my little dog gone.....

oh where oh where can he be????   LOL  Yep, I'm still alive!  I know, shame on me for being gone for so long.  So, where have I been?  Right here on the farm, trying to keep it all together with the miserable paycheck and constant equipment breakdowns.  Part of it I guess.  Doesn't make it any more comfortable tho. Small blessings counted, like for instance, the extremely mild summer we've had.  It's only been unbearable hot in the dump I call home a half dozen times so far this summer.  The no air conditioning thing was hardly noticed so far.  Still not comfortable enough to get a net connection on the farm again.  Just too expensive for the budget.  Maybe next year.

The daily struggle goes on, as usual.  A set of twin girls were born to Delta goat last week and they are keeping me entertained with their silly goat kid antics.  These 2 are tiny little carbon copies of their Momma, hints of color under their snow white coats.  I'm sure they will change color as they grow, like the last batch of kids did. 

Looks like I might finally have pregnant cows!  The holstein that was slated for the dinner plate got a pass and is now a nice little bull that did the job. I think anyway, LOL  The girls look preggers, fat in all the right places so keeping those fingers crossed!

All the hay equipment is broken, as usual.

The commercial kitchen finally passed inspection for baked goods.  Now all I need is to build up a clientele since all my old regular customers moved on to other outlets while I was building.  No worries, word of mouth is good around here and when I'm ready to fly, they'll come back.  Come next seasons markets, I'll be in full swing.  Still more work to be done on the cheese caves and smokers.

Lack of rain around here has the grass not growing and the garden dying.  The irrigation system needs major improvements and a couple new catch basins need installed to increase the amount of water I can catch.  Lack of rain allows me to run out long before relief comes from fresh rains.  Something to be addressed over the winter months.

Lost a bit of weight due to the rough living this year.  Had to hit the thrift store a couple of times for hand me down clothes.  Hard to get much work done when ya have to keep pulling yer britches up!  LOL


Other than that, it's still business as usual around the farm.  Finally got the past due mortgage payments caught up.  It was touch and go there for a while and the bank threatening foreclosure was unpleasant.  Hope I don't have to revisit that feeling again anytime soon.  Other than that, it's just the poor life here, holding on and plugging along, the best one can while just rolling with whatever gets thrown up on me.......