days melt all together

Always, this time of year, combined with the big, commercialized holidays, I always get kind of melancholy and reflect on things that have happened to me so far this year. It's hard not having a net connection out here. Paying for a wifi hotspot by the gig is just too expensive. Not enough paycheck for it.

So, what's been happening to the little self sustained farm this year? I've been stuck in a rut of perpetual catch 22. The farm isn't making enough to pay the taxes and the monthly bills so I work off farm more which reduces the amount of time I can work to improve the farm which in turn, slows progress on it down. I am grateful for the pitiful paycheck, it is keeping the bills paid. Just doesn't give me enough to make the improvements I need to make in a timely fashion. Took me all summer to scrounge up enough to get 6 pieces of treated 2x10 along with 18 pieces of treated 2x6, 4 rolls of cage wire for the base of the chicken coop. 19 weeks to save up $218. There's chickens in it now but it's not finished and winter is coming fast here. My big stumbler is that darn truckers tarp I need for the shelter side. That bugger is over $100. I need 4 more sticks of lumber, 3 more sheets of plywood to finish the shelter side. Meanwhile, I've got a plastic tarp zip tied and pinned to the base, covering the whole thing to keep the weather off the 45 days old chicks I hatched in the house to fill it. Oh, ha, I don't have a door for it yet, I keep them inside with an old quilt hung over the hole and an old, rotten table top! Yep, use what ya got, even if it's crazy and kind of retarded looking.

Garden was a wash this year. Barely made enough out of it in between the head high weeds to feed me up to Christmas time. Totally my fault for relying on an old fart who was full of crap and good stories of all the stuff he could do for me to help. Too bad it was all bullshit. So glad I wasted 5 years feeding 2 worthless nags for him while he was away. Eh, I did get a square baler out of it. Which, I need to buy a tarp for that and get it moved into one of the side stalls on the old barn. I've been procrastinating moving it because that old barn needs some work and I'm worried it's gonna fall down this winter. The main section of that old barn is full of square bales of hay. Too bad it's not MY hay. Another catch 22 thing. Work too much to cut and bale the hay so I had to reach out for help which in turn, I need to give help in return.

I'm disappointed with the rabbits this year. I've old had 3 batches of kits all summer, sold 18 to Rural King, lost 4 in the yard and ended up with 2 young does and another 2 bucks. Since I lost one good breeding doe this summer, the 2 young ones are needed to replace her. They haven't produced yet. The 2 bucks need to be in the freezer and will be pretty quick. No sense in feeding them for nothing.

Another year has gone by without me adding quail to the farm. The run is something else I need to save for. Right now, it's behind a new pair of glasses. I only have one pair, prescription, and they're expensive to replace. The ones I am currently wearing are so scratched up, they give me headaches. Tried to polish them since no vision place around here would do it for me. They claim you can't polish the transitions lenses. Wow, what a big mistake choosing those were! Pain in the ass, they take forever to dark up then take forever to undarken and the coating is flaking which is what's causing the distortion. I tried some stuff around the shop and made a slight improvement, it did peel some off but they're a little cloudy now. Don;'t have a fine enough grit to actually polish them. So, new pair has to be purchased. Need $300 for that, have $43 dollars saved up for them so far. LOL, it's gonna be a while still. There's no earning potential from a new pair of glasses. Personal comfort and decent vision but no farm income. Hard to make that kind of decision but it's base survival here and it's do what ya gotta do and get on with it as usual. So, it goes on the list with socks, underwear and a new pair of boots that don't have duct tape on them holding them together! Yep, I'm going into winter with 1 pair of sneakers that are pretty much worn out and a pair of work boots that are split down the side. Oh well, just part of life.

Oh! A good thing, it was kind of a surprise! Delta, my Kinder goat nanny, just gave me a new kid to play with! A single this time, a little nanny goat. Tri-colored. Never had kids in November before. Had to be one of the January billys I hauled to the auction in September. She would have bred back in May, during the monsoon rains we had this spring. So, there's a new baby bouncing around in the barn.

Oh, ha, a friend bought me an adult coloring book. Complex, geometric patterns. Kind of cool. Supposed to be good stress relief. Too bad I've only got 4 colored pencils! I colored 2 pages so far but the lack of color option has me a bit miffed. Stress relief, yah, okay. hahahaha Maybe in a couple of weeks, I'll splurge on a new set of pencils and get to coloring.

Eh, the 2 stupid dogs are pestering the life out of me this morning! You're late Mom, you're supposed to be outside feeding so we can run all over the place, chase the loose rabbits and act stupid! Hurry up Mom! Get some socks so we can lick your face and bother you while you're trying not to kill your back putting socks on! Come on Mom! Why are you ignoring us whining and barking? You don't need that cup of coffee! Mom! Quit ignoring us! Eh, okay, time to go out and feed..........

Jumped Up Into Fall And Surprise....

Wow, the pitiful summer just flew by without much bravado around here. Working the off farm job kept me pretty well in catch up mode the whole time. The unusually wet spring ruined the garden with weeds that grew faster than I could control them. The farm spent most of the summer looking like gypsies lived here with the waist high grass and critters tethered out all over the place. August and September were a whirlwind here with me falling into a 20 year old, 3 cylinder gas john deere rider mower, getting the square baler timed ( thanks Gene!) and getting all the hay baled. Without Justins Grandpa Gene, I would have never figured out what the last owner had jacked up on that baler. It's always the simple stuff that gets overlooked and I just never knew that piece was there. Old farmers are always worth their weight in gold. Would have been a waste selling the cows to get tractor tires if I couldn't get the baler going to make winter hay.

So, the 3 billys born this spring got sold, $2 a lb, not bad. Kept the orphan billy to breed with since he's from new bloodlines. If he wouldn't have come here, I would have had to buy one so I'm good with it. He's got a good personality, easy going and is turning out nice and beefy. Should make nice babies. Now I will at least have the winter feed bill covered and a good billy to make new babies for spring kdding. Throw in the hay bales and I'm sitting pretty good coming into the winter. Now all I need to do is come up with a small cushion in case disaster hits like last winter.

I'm still a bit in withdrawal not having a milk cow around here. Had a scare with the old horse, she seemed to just walk into a fit of colic. It was a bit tense here for 2 days while she worked it out with the help of 2 bottles of karo syrup. I figure it was weather related since here diet has not changed. She's also over age 20, officially old for a horse. She's still looking good and can still buck when she wants. She'll be around for a few more years. I don't mind, she earned her stay here.

Got a wild thing picking the chickens off every few days. I've gone from 35 laying hens down to 10. I have 19 chicks in the grow tank waiting for me to finish a coop to put them into. I have 36 eggs in the incubator but they're due tomorrow and I haven't heard any peeps from in there. I think the temperature wasn't good for this batch. The weather change and I found a cat sleeping on it the other day. Eh, I really didn't need any more right now anyway. Hate it that they're all dead in there tho. Seems like such a waste.

One of the team at work has a puss-ass immune system and brought a nasty bug to work for us all. Hacking and coughing, spitting in every trash can and yup, we all got it. I, of course, went on the old timey health ranger offensive and all I ended up with is a mild case of the sniffles out of it. The rest of the crew ignored my suggestions and they're all smacked with it hard. It still amazes me that people can be so narrow minded and hard headed. Where do they think modern medicine came from? Eh, it's like hitting my thumb with a hammer trying to teach people anything. They're sick, I'm not. I'm good with that, LOL

Oh, so, back in July, the company that has been picking up my trash for the last 6 years just quit picking it up. I thought the first week that maybe I missed trash day but the next week went by and the trash was still there. Then, another week went by and the trash was starting to stink a bit. Yep, they aren't picking it up. So, I commenced to drag it over to the burn pile and get rid of it. Then, 2^nd week of August, I get bill in the mail for August pick up. I ignore it since they hadn't finished out the month of July which was already paid for. Then, 2^nd week of September, I get another bill! This one is for August and September pickup! Oh no, this ain't gonna fly. Me being me, I wrote a somewhat nasty note on the bill and sent it back to them. Simple and to the point, if you stopped picking my trash up in mid July, I can not pay for August and September services I did not receive so stop sending me trash pickup bills, LOL Reminds me of the John Deere dealer sending me a repair bill stamped past due for work they did on the mower they took as a trade in 3 months prior. Sometimes I wonder about people. How they can be so stupid and or why they think everyone else is so stupid.

As for me, I'm just plodding along, day to day, going with the flow of whatever happens. It's really all I can manage to do. Make plans, watch them work or fall apart, adapt, overcome, move on to the next plan. Samey same and more of it, LOL.

Oh, I did manage to make 2 small upgrades toward the cottage kitchen being approved as a full on commercial kitchen. I had 2 specialty jobs this summer that paid for the supplies. A couple more things and I'll be good. Now all I need to do is find the time to work it up to a viable business. Hard to cut back hours from the job that pays the bills to build up something that isn't making enough at this time to cover much of anything. I most certainly haven't given up and the market is out there, just taking longer than I planned for it to pay me like I want it to. Hard to dedicate the time needed when I have nothing to fall back on. The not sleeping for 2 or 3 days at a time to get those specialty jobs done is one thing, doing it all the time or once or twice a week just won't cut it. I'm way too old for that!

Well, I grabbed the camera for some fall farm pictures and what do ya know, the battery icon comes on instantly. Wow, guess it's been a while since I picked the camera up. I flip it over and pull the batteries out. Yep, the camera has been a victim of my son helping himself again. In place of the lithium batteries I always put in her, there's 4 cheapie standard ever-readys. Guess my son needed AAs and thought he could just get them from me. He does that quite frequently. Very annoying. At least this time, he actually put something in their place. Normally he just takes what he wants from me and leaves me nothing in return. Most of the time, it's food. Every now and then he sticks me for the lawn mower gas, take dish soap from me and fill the bottle with water to cover it up, help himself to the toilet paper, usually my last 2 rolls. He learned this crap from the ex. He better hope and pray I never get ahead enough to burn this crap trailer down and build something he can't break into so easily. Wish the dang dogs would bite him.

Eh, it's life and now it's time to feed and go to work........

The Bookmarks of Life

It always seems like life is measured by some sort of event.  Happy, sad, etc. Well, add a bookmark to the timeline of life then....  there are no more cows on this farm.

Yep, Goober the cow is gone.  Sold so I could pay some past due bills around here.  A necessary sacrifice since the job I must go to so I can keep the mortgage paid keeps me too darn busy to make any cheese.  It seemed silly to me to feed and milk a cow twice a day when the milk ends up dumped.  The constant fighting with work because some people simply can not understand COW MILKED TWICE A DAY AT 12 HOUR INTERVALS.  That doesn't mean one day milk at 10am and 10pm then tomorrow milk at 6am and 8pm.  I'm exhausted.  Both mentally and physically.  Chasing a dream I know I will never achieve. 

I feel guilty and relieved all in one.  Guilty for feeling like I've given up.  I have in a way, I guess.  Relieved that I got those bills paid that have been hanging over me for more than a year.  Relieved that I don't have to spend 4 hours a day tending the cow, milking, then cleaning the milker just to dump the milk.  All one has to do to see how wore down I am is simply look around the farm.  Actually, you don't have to look past the weedy gardens to see.

The next to go will be the rabbits.  I will most likely spend one of my days off, rare as they are, butchering rabbits.  The amount of time I spend feeding them naturally plus the cost of commercial feeds to supplement their diet just isn't justifying their keep here anymore.  They do sell but not consistent enough to cover the cost of feed.  Even the feed I grow for myself which is cost free but not time free.  It takes every free minute I have to tend this farm.  On days when I can hardly haul myself out of bed, I still have to find the energy to get out there and do all the work that is needed every single day.

I'm keeping the goats and chickens.  Just the entertainment value of both is worth keeping.  Besides, the goats are smarter than the 2 stupid dogs I have and I actually like the goats better than those dogs, LOL  Plus, the sale of the kids every year covers their upkeep, mostly.  The chickens, well, I just like chickens around the farm.  I'm just stuck with the over age 20 horse too.  I've had her since she was a 4 month old weanling and the years of joy and entertainment she's given myself and the family qualifies her for a spot here until she dies.  No slaughter pen at an auction for her.

Now, what am I gonna do about that weedy garden?

June Farm update

So, it's been raining non stop for the past 6 days. Torrential downpour is more like it. The remnants of some tropical storm, Bill, I think. Yay rah. It's kept me in a pitiful loop for existence. Wake up, make some coffee, feed the orphans, drink some coffee, feed the rest of the critters, back to the house to drink another cup of coffee, get ready for work then go to work. Drive home, check on and feed where necessary, clean up, try to sleep. Wake up, repeat. Glad I spent 9 hours weeding the front garden before the rain set in! I can just imagine what it would look like right now if I hadn't taken the time to get it done. My only day off from the job and I spent it weeding a garden, LOL. Yep, I'm still wrapped hard in the dream. I'm stubborn that way I guess. In town every day, six days a week and it would be kind of easy to just chuck this whole self reliant farm thing out the window and be just like the rest of the blind and oblivious buzzing around like worker ants, getting absolutely nothing accomplished with any real meaning. Naw, that just isn't going to happen. I like being the square peg, doing my own thing, not conforming. Conformity is BORING!

I did manage to get 2 books read this past week. One was actually a re-read from years ago. An offhanded comment caused that one to get checked out of the library. Catcher in the Rye. Now I remember why I don't own a copy of that book. Yep, I'm still pondering how the PTB linked it to being the trigger for mass murder. The book did the same thing for me that it did the first time I read it back in high school. Made my dang brain hurt. Whatever. The second book was Chris Kyles book, American Sniper. I chose to read the book before I see the hollywood depiction. I'm sure I will feel the same way about the movie as I do about the big screen version of Marcus Luttrells book, Lone Survivor. I'm not going to go into a whole big discussion about why I appreciate both books, for me, it's not about weather or not I “liked” them, thought they were “great” etc. Both Marcus and Chris didn't write to entertain people and it is my opinion that neither book is meant to be that way. Both are deep and revealing peeks into the souls of American Warriors. Both Marcus and Chris have my deepest respect and gratitude for their service to this country and for having the desire to share their experiences with the rest of us. And, that's all I'll say on that subject.

Oh, I did finally get the sweet corn planted tho it was in a hurry and kind of a blur since the rain was coming hard and fast. Another spot where the weeds are taller than the intentional plants. Will probably spend a few hours on that spot getting pigweed thorns in my fingers. No glamorous rows of corn here yet, just tiny little plants searching for sunlight and a truck load of weeds! Heck, I've still got seed I need to plant and plants in the kitchen that need put out somewhere to grow and produce. Yah, I'm slacking big time this year. The juggling of the job and the farm has me stretched pretty thin most days. I'm right on the verge of a couple nice niche things produced on the farm to make me a nice, small living but the time to make it flower isn't there. Cant get it by reducing hours at the job, the paycheck is too thin already. Eh, it's the old “catch-22” so I'll just keep plugging away at it. It will come in it's own good time.

Well! Here I am rattling away about less important things, I haven't mentioned anything about me headed for Grand Parent-dom. My youngest and his girlfriend are expecting. I actually have some pretty deep, mixed emotions about it. Happy, angry, excited, disappointed etc. I am holding my opinions inside for the moment because when I was their age, just a little older, I made my fair share of stupid mistakes. So, until this all happens, I will do my best to filter the brain to mouth thing (hard to do for me, trust me!) and be ready to do whatever is necessary at the time. I've seen the sonogram, of course both of them keep saying it's a boy but so far, the development says to me it's a girl. We'll see come Christmas time. Due Dec 24^th to Jan 1^st. My vote is January 4^th, at 2:34am, LOL. I actually hope it's snowing like mad, hehehehe. 

So, speaking of babies, the laying hens are annoying me just a little. I end up having to go to work before they get their rude butts of the nests and one by one, they're going broody on me. I've got 4 hens with chicks now and a 5^th has now decided not to get off the barn loft nest. There's 14 eggs in it every day and she's been there 3 days now with the other hens laying eggs in that spot with her. I'm looking at 3 weeks with being cut down to 4 or 5 eggs a day instead of my normal 18. The good news on that is, by the time this summer is winding down and those 2 year old hens are slowing down egg laying, a whole new batch of pullets will be starting to lay. There's the 31 I hatched out in the house plus another 17 the hens have hatched out. Geez, I really need that darn chicken coop built. Eh, I'll not go there or I'll end up on a huge rant about how I'm surrounded by people who are all “talk” with no “do”. I squished that bug already so no sense beating a dead horse. If I ever get caught up on my dang past due bills, I'll get what I need to build it one piece at a time.

Well, looks like I've spent enough time today drinking coffee and procrastinating. Too much to do on my only darn day off...................