Sunday, April 21, 2019

long road back and happy Easter

I feel like I've disappeared.  I did, actually.  for 2 years, my entire world revolved around my son and cancer.  The farm basically evaporated.  Everything beyond the responsibility of feeding critters that couldn't feed themselves, doctor appointments, hospitals and death.  Yes, I'm still grieving, yes, I'm still sad and I cry all the time.  I'm learning to accept the new reality of life without my son/friend/farming partner.  My son was a big part of everything I did around here.  Now, I'm learning to do it all by myself and basically starting over.

It's Easter.  I doesn't feel much like a happy time for me.  Eh, I'll get over it.  Miss Jordan would not let me have my grandson this weekend.  So, being left to my own devices, I went out and spent 20k.  Yep, bought a new tractor.  Did I need it?  No, not really.  Will it make life easier for me?  Yep, it will.  4WD, end loader, 540 pto and a 50" mower deck.  Pasture maintenance, barn cleaning and hay baling just got easier!  Now all I need is for the rain to quit so I can get to working on the fence and getting the garden going.  I'm seeing locally sourced food as a hot commodity this year with all the flooding going on out west plus right here in my region.  The garden needs to be tip top if I'm going to eat well.  I'm trying to be ready for it.  I'm regretting selling the milk cow now.  eh, it was necessary to do at the time and the best thing for the animal.

New grape vines this year.  Haven't planted them yet,  it's been cold and rainy since I bought them.  I'm keeping them in the clean room I built for my son since it's warmer in there than the rest of the house with no heat in it.  I'm also considering a few new fruit trees since all I have left are a couple of pitiful peach trees that I missed spraying on time so I'm not looking for a bumper crop of decent peaches there.  

The goat herd.  It's headed out of a nasty winter full of shivers and crappy hay.  Never in my haying life have I ever had such a shitty crop off my own fields.  Part of it was the weird year last year and the other part was the person who was supposed to be helping me while my son was dying.  Needless to say, that person helped themselves rather well with my equipment and pushed my interests to last and basically baled me dead, junk hay.  Not too pleased.  So, I did what I had to do at work to get myself onto the shift I am now sure will allow me to do it all for myself.  I've been on the shift since November and have figured out how to maintain enough energy to sleep just 5 hours a day and function normally without being tired all the time.  It was tough since I'm not young anymore.

New laptop here so pictures with the posts very soon.  Need to dust the old camera off and find the transfer cord.  "Brick by brick my citizens, brick by brick."

Friday, April 5, 2019

It's raining, again

Whaaaa, like the rest of the country isn't a muddy mess too.  I know, need some cheese with the whine.  I have so much to do to get the farm back into good shape and every time I get a day or 2 off work, it's been raining.  Hard to wait for the spring nasty to pass when I'm finally feeling a little less depressed and I want to get things done! 

Eh, the crappy garden.  It's so nasty and overgrown with junk, it's hard to see it producing all the good food I need to be eating.  The last 2 years of grabbing crap food just to have something in my belly while driving to this doctor or that hospital, wow, I'm surprised I'm half way healthy. 

I'm looking at new laptops since once again, I've had an epic hard drive failure and lost a laptop.  I wonder if it's because I never turn them off?  LOL  maybe.......

No photo description available.Anyhoooo, baby goats are jumping and playing, learning all about wild onions!  It just tickles me to watch them chomping on those onions and then running around, farting onion stink, ROFL!  That is just too funny!  Of course, that leads to the upset bellys and I've resorted to feeding them all pepto bismal to remedy the problem.  They'll learn, no harm done.........

Tuesday, March 26, 2019

2 years. I don't know what to say.

It's been 2 years since my last post.  Wow!  Plenty has happened, no doubt.  I lost my son.  The cancer spread all over him and wiped out his kidneys and liver.  He passed August 10th, 2018.  Immeasurable sorrow, depression, anger, and so on and so forth.  A weight that will never leave me.

On a brighter note, his son, my grandson, is a bright star in an otherwise dark sky.

The farm, yah.  Pretty much non existent.  Of course, the land is still there and the goat herd is bouncing back from last years barren failures.  Beautiful billy goat shooting blanks left me with no kids at a time I could have really used the revenue.  New neighbors up the road with a pair of huskys killed a few nannys for me and of course, they skipped out before paying that bill.  I should have pushed for the dogs to be put down.  Lesson learned there.  New job, a good one.  They took really good care of me while my son was in his last bit of life.  My hay cutting partner is in for a surprise come hay season.  Partnership over, thank you very much.  Porked my eyeballs out this past fall.  I've never had such crappy hay from my own fields before, ever.  So, I've worked my way to a shift at the new job that will allow me to bale my own hay, whenever I need to.  All I'll lose is a little sleep here and there.   I can live with that!

Still haven't managed to chase the POS ex down to force him to fulfill his end of our divorce agreement.  I'll probably end up having to sue him for it.

Lots of new coming to whats left of the farm this spring.  I am really back so keep checking for updates and pictures of whats coming up!  Oh, that wonderful weed killer recipe bouncing around facebook, weed be gone, better than round up?  Yah, bullshit.  If it doesn't kill henbit, it's worthless.  All it did was make the yard smell like vinegar!  Don't waste your time on it....

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Happy Easter

Eh, I'm sitting here, crochet needle in hand, working on a gift for Pamit.  Grandson is with me today, his daddy napping in the recliner.  Hahaha, I free ranged him so I could get some gardening work done!  Taught the little bub how to get down the porch stairs not face first.  He's a smart little feller, he got it almost instantly and went up and down a dozen times to " show" me he could.  Not scared of the grass like his daddy was, he took off straight away chasing chickens with Grandma close behind!

Life here has been turned on its ear, most of my livestock are sold off.  Cancer is costing me everything.  Topping that off, my current employer has lost their contract with the major tire producer I've been working for.  New company taking over and I'm not too thrilled with them.  I am torn between working for them(not trusting them to not use me to train new staff and then let me go) and taking the unemployment package from my current employer.  I've been searching the job market for the last month, not found anything yet.  I've got a week left.  Topping that off is the mess going on with the grandson.  His momma (womb donor) can't stop dumping him on anyone who will take him and I'm tired of being extorted for money with threats of "you'll never see him again unless you give me money".  OMG, it's a horror story and the poor baby is the victim.  My son has finally stood up and put his foot down.  Filed for parental custody.  Thank God!  That girl needs stopped.

I'm working on getting the farm cleaned up so I can possibly sell it to someone.  Anyone actually.  My son's health is sucking every dime from me and it's farming or the cancer.

Oh!  Let me tell you about what happened to me at work last week Saturday night!  Co-worker had a dumpster on the hook (in between the forks and rotated) and I walked over to help him out.  As I reached in to pull the fabric strips we needed to bake out of it, the dumpster fell off the forks, shifted and fell on me.  Split my head wide open, smashed my shoulder and elbow, pinned me to the floor by me steel toe boot.  Oh yah, I bled like a slaughtered hog.  So, I get to the ER (Good Sam in Mt vernon- aka clown show) for a head CT.  Apparently, I have a head like a rock.  The nurse comes in with a plastic tub, towel, a few bottles of only she knows what and a scrub brush.  Now, mind you, I have a football sized heamatoma on my head, above my right eye and I'm dripping blood.  She says to me," I'm gonna scrub your head so we can put some staples in it".  I look at here, then that toilet brush she had in her hand and I reply " oh no.  No you will not".  Double hell no.  She says but it will leave a scar.  I just bust out laughing.  Really?  Okay, just you fill out that paperwork, I gotta go.  No scull fracture, yup, I'm leaving.  She tells me I need pain killers and antibiotics.  Yep, I start laughing again.  Poor lady don't know what to do.  I'm say " okay, I need a tetanus shot" just because I know HR will want me to get one(those dumpsters are a bit nasty,) and wouldn't ya know it, Good Sam does not have a tetanus shot on the premises!  Yep, time for me to go.  But wait, can't go yet, the front desk mishandled the mandatory drug screen sample, I gotta pre in the cup again.  Geez, I'm never getting out of there!  Sigh, okay, let's do this.  Done, signed out and drove myself home.  It's been a week, no piss, no infection, no tetanus and no narcotics.  Almost healed, still a small lump of blood to absorb and mild pain at the trauma site.  I didn't look any hair and no frickin staples.

Yep, never a full moment.......