I feel like I've disappeared. I did, actually. for 2 years, my entire world revolved around my son and cancer. The farm basically evaporated. Everything beyond the responsibility of feeding critters that couldn't feed themselves, doctor appointments, hospitals and death. Yes, I'm still grieving, yes, I'm still sad and I cry all the time. I'm learning to accept the new reality of life without my son/friend/farming partner. My son was a big part of everything I did around here. Now, I'm learning to do it all by myself and basically starting over.
It's Easter. I doesn't feel much like a happy time for me. Eh, I'll get over it. Miss Jordan would not let me have my grandson this weekend. So, being left to my own devices, I went out and spent 20k. Yep, bought a new tractor. Did I need it? No, not really. Will it make life easier for me? Yep, it will. 4WD, end loader, 540 pto and a 50" mower deck. Pasture maintenance, barn cleaning and hay baling just got easier! Now all I need is for the rain to quit so I can get to working on the fence and getting the garden going. I'm seeing locally sourced food as a hot commodity this year with all the flooding going on out west plus right here in my region. The garden needs to be tip top if I'm going to eat well. I'm trying to be ready for it. I'm regretting selling the milk cow now. eh, it was necessary to do at the time and the best thing for the animal.
New grape vines this year. Haven't planted them yet, it's been cold and rainy since I bought them. I'm keeping them in the clean room I built for my son since it's warmer in there than the rest of the house with no heat in it. I'm also considering a few new fruit trees since all I have left are a couple of pitiful peach trees that I missed spraying on time so I'm not looking for a bumper crop of decent peaches there.
The goat herd. It's headed out of a nasty winter full of shivers and crappy hay. Never in my haying life have I ever had such a shitty crop off my own fields. Part of it was the weird year last year and the other part was the person who was supposed to be helping me while my son was dying. Needless to say, that person helped themselves rather well with my equipment and pushed my interests to last and basically baled me dead, junk hay. Not too pleased. So, I did what I had to do at work to get myself onto the shift I am now sure will allow me to do it all for myself. I've been on the shift since November and have figured out how to maintain enough energy to sleep just 5 hours a day and function normally without being tired all the time. It was tough since I'm not young anymore.
New laptop here so pictures with the posts very soon. Need to dust the old camera off and find the transfer cord. "Brick by brick my citizens, brick by brick."
5 hours ago